COMPUTE BARON

The race to AGI is a war of silicon, electricity and nerve. Build the datacenter. Feed the models. Out-maneuver Lon, Sam, Dario, Satya, Sundeep and the leather-jacketed Dealer — and reach AGI before any of them do.

Buy & wire

Buy GPUs on a volatile market, then wire them into the racks to bring your compute online.

Power & cool it

Chips draw megawatts and throw heat. Power is take-or-pay — secured capacity bills daily — and frontier runs won't start without it.

Climb the ladder

Each model trains once and unlocks the next. Hire star researchers to go frontier — Project Prometheus is the only run that hits 100.

Spin & survive

Cut deals with villains and mind the public: anger them and permits freeze, researchers walk, protests cut your power mid-run.

Affectionate parody. Headphones recommended for the hum of a million fans.