COMPUTE BARON

The race to AGI is a war of silicon, electricity and nerve. Build the datacenter. Feed the models. Out-maneuver Lon, Sam, Dario, Satya, Sundeep and the leather-jacketed Dealer — and reach AGI before any of them do.

Buy & wire

Buy GPUs on a volatile market, then wire them into the racks to bring your compute online.

Power & cool it

Wired chips draw megawatts and throw heat. Outbuild power and cooling — and watch your carbon footprint.

Train for AGI

Spend compute-days to train LLMs. Each run lifts your model score toward 100 — that's the win.

Spin & survive

Cut deals with the villains, manage public sentiment and protests, and reach AGI before they do — without getting shut down.

Affectionate parody. Headphones recommended for the hum of a million fans.